And possibly my ONLY photography prize, unless they start awarding prizes for being annoying, and to be honest, I've had a number of nominations for that over the years due to my Day Job, as an HR Manager.
Immediately, loads of people switch off.... Oh God, I thought I liked this guy...
Look, try to get past it, OK? There are some very nice Tax Inspectors out there, Parking Enforcement Officers, Divorce Lawyers, people who have chosen that job because they want to... because they want to... becau... OK I see I've just defeated my own argument. Let's just say I needed the money, and you can pretty much get away with just carrying a clipboard around and saying "Sorry, if it's not in the policy, the answer's no..."
But to be fair I've also spent a number of years telling people - no, you can't get rid of her just because she's old/black/stares at you funny - my favourite recruitment comment of all time is probably "She wouldn't be happy here" Rolls up denying an opportunity to someone in a lovely warm fluffy passive aggressive blanket that shows you really CARE about them... This is not my most recent experience but it has happened a lot. And if you've done it yourself - you're not fooling anybody, the HR Manager sitting opposite you is not working this one out, they're thinking "Oh, this one again, here we go. Where to start..."
Back in the Zone. Nobody wants to read a blog about an Annoying HR Manager, do they? because they're ALL annoying. And anyway, if I wrote one, I'd probably have to haul myself up in front of myself and discipline myself for breaching confidentiality. I might even have to sack myself. You have NO IDEA how difficult that is - it's not just a matter of managing all the voices and leaping back and forth across the desk, there's a massive conflict of interest that's quite difficult to get past. I'd be strongly inclined to Let Myself Off. And you try escorting yourself out of the building, particularly if you're inclined to resist...
That way madness lies...
So this picture won 4th Prize. And I am going to roll in that glory, in the same way as the dog on the right rolls in other stuff when she goes out. The boy on the left has his own very distinctive doggy smell, which to me is the best smell in the world, sort of like Dog Honey, but she has virtually no scent at all, so she replaces hers. I guess she feels pretty much the same way about that as I feel about Jo Malone cologne.
The story behind the picture, is there one? Well, always, but not necessarily the one The Photographer would want you to know. The Photographer in me would want you to know that this picture was shot with a shutter speed at 1/640th of a second to freeze the motion and the aperture was set at f4.5 to ensure a narrow depth of field to concentrate attention on the subject. The truth is this photo was taken with the macro lens I use to photograph bugs, on Auto, and I took a random shot of them because I'd given up on the bugs.
One thing I've learnt about photographing bugs, is they are very, very sensitive to someone pointing a big lens at them. Bees happily buzzing all over a plant will move to the back, if you come up. Suddenly, although nature seems oblivious to you, you find there is a wide pool of dead space around you as they all quietly move away. Sort of the same thing that happens if you mention at a party that you think Trump is actually quite switched on...
I know, I know, you're thinking, there goes another batch of blog readers, but the truth is if you voted for him, you probably don't read a whole great lot...
But back to bugs. Another thing I've learnt is never wear a white tee shirt. Nothing in nature is completely white (not even a Polar Bear). A black camera lens with a white tee shirt background is the insect's equivalent standing in front of a guy pointing a loaded bazooka at you, and trying to eat a yoghurt.
By the way, I couldn't remember the word for 'bazooka', so had a quick look on 'tinternet for "hand held rocket launcher", "anti tank gun", etc, subsequently realising that's rather a novel way to get the site traffic to the blog up, as half of Menwith Hill Monitoring Station will now be reading it - Hi Guys!...
Endless digressions... To get decent photos of bugs you have to either a) find a very stupid one with a short life expectancy - if they can't clock you there, something's going to get them pretty soon, or b) hang around motionless for hours until you become part of the Wallpaper of Their World. Life slows down, and you start to see it in a microsphere, it goes quiet as you tune out the distant sounds and listen instead to what's immediately around you, a sort of peace of nature starts to seep back in. Peaceful in the sense of multiple tiny assassinations, sucking dries, entrapments, poisonings that are actually going on terribly quietly.
What doesn't help in those circumstances is having someone like Dexter around. For him nature is just something you crash through on the way to a bunny. And if there are no bunnies, he likes just barging in to see what you're doing. He usually manages to trample the actual plant that the bee is resting on, knock me over, and lick the front of the lens, in one movement.
But enough! I must away, and make something of my life - I would be out taking photographs on this rarest of rare things in Leeds, a Sunny Day, but I am awaiting the arrival of sofa men, and they have just rung to say they will be here in ten minutes.
Last night I dismembered the old sofa (they don't take them away) and it's currently lying in the garage, looking very much like an unfortunate bug that's been caught by a spider and been rearranged into a crunchy ball.
Damn difficult to take to bits too - as a work colleague commented the other day... "I took my old sofa apart the other day, you wouldn't BELIEVE how difficult it was. It would have been easier to dismember a body..."
Note to self. Don't go round to her house...